How to survive when your new boyfriend’s not vintage
September 15, 2009 by Lena
Conversation
When talking to his ‘mates’ down the pub, it’s important to have a few handy modern words and phrases to hand to guide you through the perils of 21st-century conflab.
Do not refer to the ‘purchasing the latest disc’ when eulogising the marvels of your favourite group. It is correct to say you have ‘downloaded some choons’
No one drinks Campari and Orange in modern circles. Demand a pint of Magners and down it in one, making sure you include all the ice cubes.
Gloves are not generally worn indoors.
Gentlemen will expect you to ‘get a round in’ and it is perfectly correct for you to do so, whether you are married or not.
If you are in doubt as to the correct response to anything simply affect an air of nonchalance, roll your eyes and say ‘Whatever’ as politely as you can.
If it doesn’t work out
You’ve given it a go and you just can’t put up with his Mujii storage boxes any longer – what should you do? Unless he has been a total cad, break it to him gently. A feminine hand on the arm will soothe him as you say ‘I’m sorry this isn’t working out – perhaps you should go out with someone less vintage.’
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This is GENIUS in every way. i wish, I wish, I wish I had seen this before my last relationship ended so I could have used the line, “perhaps you should go out with someone less vintage.” I love it! jx
This happens a lot here in the states, because a man’s interest in anything vintage pretty much implies he is either religiously conservative (cars, guns, military) or gay (clothes, movies, music).
I hear a lot of retro gals *wish* their guy would get with the passion, but truth be told, they probably picked him because he’s more of a man if he’s a conventional “lad.” If he got into it, great, but if he already WAS into it she probably would have found him less desirable.