MMStep 6: Seized, and Hollywood Kissed

There is a certain kind of kiss so passionate, so synonymous with a musical crescendo, so over-the-top ridiculous, that it has gained a bit of a reputation. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the Hollywood kiss. It’s the moment we all wait for, will for, and even cry for. There is a certain process involved. Principally, the dark and handsome male seizes the lady until she goes limp at the neck.

Consequently, her head bobs back, leaving her face upturned and ready for the magic. Also there is a strictly no tongues policy, Hollywood lovers are to press their mouths together wide open, repeatedly in different directions, in a fish-like fashion. I promise you this is a generic process throughout all great Hollywood romances.

The all-time greats include Scarlett O’Hara’s and Rhett Butler’s forbidden kiss in the classic among classics, Gone with the Wind (1939) and the passion-infused lip-to-lip action of Audrey Hepburn and William Holden in Paris When it Sizzles (1964).

Step 7: Going for a Song

There’s nothing like a good old song. If you want your relationship to dwell in the light of the silvery moon, you have to be willing to spontaneously burst into song at any given moment. Every time Gene Kelly skips down the city back street, swinging on unsuspecting lamp posts and singin’ in the rain as he goes, we fall in love with him and old-fashioned romance even more.

Sugar Kane’s steamy rendition of I Wanna be loved by You in the Monroe favourite Some Like it Hot (1959) is enough to make us want to drop everything and travel back in time to a place where that kind of shameless expression of romance was championed, “ba-dum ba-dum ba-doodley dum POOOW”.

Step 8: The Dramatic Ending

Once you have followed the previous steps, you can’t put it off any longer. It’s crunch time. Whether your romance is cut out for a riding off into the sunset happy ending, or it’s time to call it a day with a tragic tearjerker, the end is nigh. Strangely enough, both final scenarios are equally appealing when it comes to Hollywood romances. Either we sob uncontrollably at the star-crossed lovers great misfortune, or we sob uncontrollably for their happy fated unison.

When the paths of Barbara Streisand and Robert Redford crossed in 1973 in The Way We Were, they left an audience devastated but forever captivated as they admitted they were losers, having lost each other. We knew they should be together though, despite their differences. Perhaps one of the most memorable happy endings has to be the final scene of Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961). To our delight, Holly melts into Fred’s arms for a Hollywood kiss intense enough to challenge the worth of any other.

Whether tragic or ecstatic, closed or open, the end to all great romances should be hanging-on-the-edge-of-your-seat dramatic. Now, go fourth and romance.

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One Response

  1. Rocketblast

    Loved this piece! Ah, if only real life was like that, and if only I looked like Rita Hayworth…