Bring back records! When was the last time someone picked up your iPod, scrolled, flicked, rolled (whatever you do with iPods) through it and said “Wow! Your list of music is so fantastic I’ve got to marry you”? What? It’s never happened? Simon Hickson explains why. Years back, in the 20th century, before all my vinyl was put into storage, a lovely young lady browsed through my record collection, gasped, and insisted she had to marry me. Sadly she never did, choosing instead to marry my first pressing of “Unknown Pleasures” by Joy Division. They went on to have a lovely little New Order together. See what records can do? Get a record player! Now! If you’ve not got any records, you know where to find them; charity shops. And, specifically, some charity shops are better than others for out-there LP’s. I don’t know why, but the more mental the charity shop the stranger and more fascinating the collection; it’s true (don’t go all coy on me now, they won’t Mind). You’ll find everything from ABC to Frank Zappa, via Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass. Once you’ve got your records and when you get your record player you’ll start to understand, just a little, why they went out of fashion; music has never been so hard to play.